Dear American Public, Fireworks Are Likely to Explode

The stunning, yearly celebration of America’s birth has now come and gone and, yet again, Americans have learned absolutely nothing from the raucous imbeciles of previous years about the dangers of fireworks…

This year, a mastermind in Maine died after trying to set a firework off the top of his head. A Texas genius also croaked over the holiday after lighting a firework from his chest. And finally, two brilliant NFL players blew off a couple of fingers in separate firework-related incidents; Jason Pierre-Paul, a defensive lineman for the New York Giants and Tampa Bay Buccaneers cornerback C.J. Wilson. For Wilson, the loss of two fingers could actually jeopardize his career as a marginal player for the Buccaneers.

Fireworks are pretty and they make loud noises… but is messing with them worth losing body parts, a career and — most-tragically — your life? As sympathetic as I am for the families of the deceased, I can’t help but think this is unmistakably Darwinism at work. Survival of the fittest… or survival of those who are shrewd enough to know that launching explosives FROM your body isn’t such a good idea.

If Charles could see us now…

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Image source Flickr

Posted by Hillary

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