The Jitters Justification

Ran over your neighbor’s cat? Stabbed an ex-boyfriend? It’s all good! You were totally just hopped up on caffeine. At least, that’s what you can tell the judge.

Woody Will Smith (what a name!) of Kentucky, who was charged with strangling his wife with an extension cord in 2009, recently made national headlines thanks to his lawyers’ colorful defense strategy. Apparently, Smith, so wrought over the fear that his wife might leave him, hopped aboard the crazy train drinking 5-6 sodas and/or energy drinks a day and taking diet pills in an effort to stay awake.  Experts estimate his intake at upwards of 400 milligrams a day, and the defense claims this caffeine overdose (the American Psychiatric Association defines an overdose as more than 300 mg, or roughly 3 cups of coffee) — left him temporarily insane and unable to form the intent to kill.

I’d gamble on the assertion that Wacko Woody here isn’t the only person in America to consume over 400 mg of caffeine in a day. Hell, that’s my average morning — before 10 AM! What this really sounds like to me is that some loser of a guy with little-to-no self esteem lost his shit when he found out his wife actually might not want him anymore. It’s the whole “if I can’t have you, no one will” philosophy, and it doesn’t take a caffeine overdose to instigate. There are plenty of other psychos out there who have been proven guilty of murder based on hard facts alone, and hopefully our judicial system is smart enough to see that this is merely a ploy generated by some very imaginative lawyers.

And if this guy does get off?  Anything I do that may be considered wrong, in poor taste, or inappropriate from here on out I’m blaming on the caffeine!

Posted by Haley

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