“Luscious Lips…my ass!”
I get that most self-improvement and beauty products are 99% gimmick…the shake weight, the fish pedicure, various ‘enhancers’, to name a few…but every once in a while something comes along that is so fucking stupid I have a difficult time believing anybody buys it. Case in point, ‘Luscious Lips’ by Cynthia Rowland (or, honestly, pretty much anything by Cynthia Rowland, including her breakthrough product Facial Magic). Her website boilerplate reads, “The youthful, charismatic, ageless Cynthia is a renowned beauty consultant and anti-aging specialist who has discovered the Fountain of Youth, so to speak.”
Basically it’s a series of facial exercises and creams to naturally tighten your face. Look out Houdini…that’s what I call magic! Luscious Lips is nothing more than a plastic tube with a pull — you insert your lips and use suction to naturally ‘plump’ your lips. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I kind of remember doing this with drinking glasses when I was six. Instructions go as far as to warn beginners to start with a two week conditioning process only after which users can safely progress to more aggressive plumping by increasing the “length of the pull.” Seriously? If I don’t take the suggested time to work up to more aggressive levels, what’s the worst that could possibly happen!? The whole thing is absurd, but that hasn’t stopped Ms. Rowland from securing national media coverage on Rachael Ray, The View, Fit TV and NBC. I guess it goes without saying, there’s a sucker born every minute…pun intended.
P.S.The testimonials page is worth a visit…the perfectly plumped and pouty Patty from San Diego (pictured here) is “in love…and not with a man…with her Luscious Lips device!” I don’t know about you, but I’m sold!