Bumble’s Latest Buzz

Image Source: Bloomberg 

As one of the #blessed few who met my “match” the old fashioned way (in person), my Bumble days were far and few, but they still hold cringe-worthy moments in my memory. On my first Bumble date (way back when) I had a full-blown PANIC attack. I don’t know if it was the fact that the guy on the other side of the table was trying to bullsh*t a bullsh*tter (eventually he admitted he was jobless and lived with his parents), the election on the TV screens and Trump looking like he had a chance to win (I’m still in denial) or the roaring voices echoing off the walls of the restaurant, but when the guy left for the restroom, I sprinted to the bar, paid the check and PEACED OUT.

I know, I’m the worst, but at least now the poor kid has a story about an awful date with some chick who grilled him for 30 minutes, paid for the check (because I’m respectful like that) and ding-dong-ditched his a$$.

While I enjoyed the attention I received on Bumble (Me? Beautiful? Oh stoppppit!), the whole blind dating thing wasn’t for me. I mean, seriously, you stand out like a sore thumb when you’re on a Bumble date. Tense posture, forced smiles, fake laughs and nervous chatter about what you do for a living, how many siblings you have, and made up hobbies.

Luckily, Bumble is solving the awkwardness of being among regular people while pretending to enjoy conversation with a stranger and is creating a space where everyone can be awkward…together. Introducing Bumble Brew, a soon-to-open NYC cafe and wine bar for people to meet up without the judgement of the outside world (so cruel they/we are). Opening this fall, the space will be a cozy coffee shop during the day for the hipster in all of us, then transition to a wine bar at night so we can get white girl wasted on our date…because how else do you talk face-to-face?

The resto only serves food that is date-friendly. While they claim no wings or saucy burgers, they’re serving croissants and pastries. Is there a way to eat croissants politely without ending up with a lap full of crumbs? HMU if you know the secret.

While Bumble Brew is a new concept, I predict this will be the new norm. Instead of “smoking or non-smoking” (am I dating myself?) it will be “strangers, lovers or bffs? Right this way to the first date section in the back.” Who knows what the future of dating will be, but here’s to couples getting comfy and a spike in Bumble babies, who someday can sit on their phones and message each other from across the table without ever having to speak to each other, getting their Bumble buzz on from a $12 glass of wine. Cheers to that!

Posted by Christina