Gene Simmons’ Tongue On Your Boyfriend’s Package

As if the thousands of varieties—flavored, glowing, ribbed, colored—of condoms weren’t enough, I now introduce to you KISS Kondoms. Boasting to be the “world’s first approved condoms to feature a full color image,” roll one of these bad boys on and—not only are you getting laid—you get to experience rock and roll’s longest tongue running up your manhood.

Call me crazy normal, but this is not appealing in the least. In fact, it’s the last thing I’d want to know, see, use, hear of, etc. One, I’m pretty sure Gene stopped being a turn-on by the early ‘90s (and that’s being generous); and besides, Paul Stanley was always my favorite of the four. And two, dare I even go into the lack of proportion on condom design? The guys behind this one clearly have grandiose fantasies about their own packages, let alone the size of an average dude.

But, hey, they do promise that “using a KISS Kondom is the surest way to Rock and Roll All Nite long!” You hear that, boys? Wrap it up with Gene and magically develop the same skills as this “sex god” who’s bedded over 4,600 women!

Posted by Haley

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