Lashing Out

Hairy Eyelashes

Former pseudo-child porn star Brooke Shields can now add eyelash steroids spokeswoman to her resume. Latisse, the latest and greatest in outlandish beauty enhancements, is an FDA-approved topical solution that claims to facilitate eyelash growth and increase thickness and darkness.

Apparently eyelash deficiency is now a diagnosable medical condition and even gets its own six-syllable moniker, hypotrichiosis, thus necessitating a thrice-daily commercial led by a former controversial child star-turned-self-appointed-martyr-for-post-partum-depression-turned-spokesperson-for-insufficiently-hairy-eyelids. I must say, modern medicine sure has come far in the past decade. Now sparse lashes land right up there with osteoperosis and hypertension.

This ridiculous product reminds me of a medical anthropology class I took my sophomore year in college, where the professor explained a case of starving children in South America who were prescribed vitamins and supplements by doctors instead of the most obvious solution: FOOD. Regarding the same theme of over-medication, I have to ask myself, what ever happened to good old-fashioned mascara? Have we really become so quick to self-diagnose that we can’t just settle for some $5.99 CoverGirl? If Americans are willing to spend money on eyelash steroids, can someone please explain how we’re in a recession?!

The main reason why I feel this product is so ridiculous, however, is because Latisse’s negatives totally outweigh its positives. Ms. Shields must devote about a quarter of her time in the limelight to listing the most common side effects of the stuff, which include “eyelid skin darkening,” “increased brown iris pigmentation which is likely to be permanent,” and “hair growth occurring in areas where LATISSE solution comes in repeated contact with skin surfaces.” And those are just a few. Delightful.

In sum, I’ll stick with mascara; it smudges, it’s goopy, and it dries out, but it likely won’t render you blind, brown-eyed if you weren’t beforehand, or unnecessarily hairy. Thanks anyways, Brooke.

Posted by Liza

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Posted By: marketingmarlo

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