Soul Killer

For the last few weeks, my eyes and ears have been assaulted by trailers for the movie Soul Surfer. You know the one: Katy Perry’s “Firework” inspirationally swells in the background while Carrie Underwood cheers on a one-armed surfer chick.

I know it’s based on a true story of a girl who lost an arm after a shark attack, so I’m definitely going to hell for saying this, but I’m going for it anyway. I effing hate everything that has to do with this movie.

I hate the name; it reminds me of that awful “Soul Sister” song. I hate the audience reaction commercials where gangly tween after gangly tween says the movie is so “relatable.” Really? You live in Kansas and motor around town in a flipping Huffy. What could you possibly relate to about a champion surfer girl from Hawaii whose arm got eaten by a shark? Really. I also hate the fact that the real girl this happened to has written a grand total of FIVE non-fiction books since 2003. I can barely get through this blog, let alone an entire book! As if her persistence to become a professional surfer despite her one-armedness wasn’t enough, now this chick is the Jodi Picoult of inspirational surf tomes?! Kill me.

Go ahead, call me jealous. I’ll just flip you the bird…with both hands.

Posted by Amelia

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