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A Conversation with Tiger Woods

A Conversation with Tiger Woods

By the time this blog posts, there’s a good chance that this whole Tiger Woods multiple mistresses fiasco will be old news. You may have already seen press conferences with his Vegas hos and his NYC skanks. Hell, there might have already been a sit-down with Barbara Walters where Tiger cops to a sex addiction and is escorted to treatment by Dr. Drew and a team of nine iron-wielding extras in blonde wigs (hey, it’s all about the ratings, right?).

Either way, let us not forget or overlook Tiger’s original statement – the one he posted on his official website on Wednesday, December 2; his “oh shit” moment following the release of his desperate voicemail message pleading with “Tool Academy” ingénue Jaimee Grubbs to change her outgoing message. I’ve provided the original statement here, along with some colorful commentary. I like to think of it as my own personal conversation with Mr. Woods.

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart.

Well jump right in there, Tiger. No beating around the bush (I suppose there was enough of that going around with Rachel Uchitel in Australia – BAM, two bush references in one).

I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means.

No, Tiger. You’re dismayed that you got caught. You’ve known all along what kind of scrutiny a person of your level of recognition receives. You’ve been dealing with it for years.

For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives.

Through no fault of your own, naturally. It’s all the damn tabloids’ fault!

The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious.

Is it so wrong that America wants to see a scorned woman react with violent outrage to her husband’s transgressions? Perhaps we’ve grown a little weary of the passive stares and grim smiles of politicians’ and professional athletes’ wives. It’s about time someone took a golf club to her cheating husband’s head/car.

Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy.

I would have assumed an “important and deep principle at stake” would have been your pledged fidelity to your wife and children.

I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family.

Did he really say “intimate” in a press release about admitting to multiple affairs? An interesting choice of words, at the very least. It seems as if Tiger’s asking for the tabloids to respect his privacy when he’s bumping uglies with his Vegas nightclub hostess.

Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.

Lame. If this press release was a movie, it’d be “Match Point” – a narrative full of hot, worldly sex and criminal intrigue (OK, it was mostly in England, but work with me), but with a blah ending that leaves you thinking, “Really, that’s it? That’s all that’s going to happen?” Kinda like this blog post 😉

Posted by Amelia