Water Wasn’t Manly Enough For Men… Until Now
Image Source: Liquid Death
For centuries men have been wandering around, listlessly in search of water that wasn’t feminine to drink. Manly men from all walks of life were subjected to dehydration on a daily basis because it would be the worst kind of travesty for them to be seen drinking a bottle of Fiji Natural Artisan Bottled Water after an intense pump sesh at the gym. There’s a pink flower on that bottle, so obviously it’s for girls. Thank God we have been graced with a product to solve this problem: Liquid Death. Yes, that is the name of a new water brand marketed to men. Liquid Death will quench your thirst in the most virile way possible, by murdering it!
That, my friends, is what $2.25 million of funding looks like these days. It took over two million dollars and the mind of a former Netflix creative director to discover that if you put water in a tall boy can and slap a skull with some death-metal-looking font on it our rampant male dehydration problem is solved. I, for one, was really starting to worry. Previously men had no way to rehydrate after a rugged stretch of log chopping in the forest or a particularly exhausting bout of flipping large tires. Using a glass or a reusable water bottle was becoming far too feminine. Drinking Liquid Death will also ease any man’s concern about the environment, just like those feminine reusable water bottles, because this red-blooded water is sold in aluminum cans. How eco-friendly!
It’s really about time we have more macho products on the market. Women have had access to pink razors, floral water, and even rose-colored power tools (no, we really don’t mind paying more for the nice color) for decades! Men should have access to the basic necessities of life, like water, without being concerned with how tough they look while drinking it. Heck, we’ll even create makeup for men, but we will call it War Paint because covering up your acne scars is basically the same thing as getting ready to march off into battle. So, ladies, make sure you’re stocked up on Liquid Death so the men in your life don’t go thirsty after they’re done mowing the lawn, or building things, or whatever other masculine things they spend their days doing.
Posted by Catherine